One of the biggest challenges for men in the dating world is internal – the mindset. This controls how they interact with women, their goals, and the expected outcomes. With growing confidence, most men in the dating world start looking for the next tweak, trick, and tip to make women fall at their feet. The problem is that this mindset focuses more on being a Casanova than building a healthy and loving relationship. People experiencing this may need a reorientation and professional matchmaking for men.
As with most things, focusing on the instant gratification of being able to sweep many women at once doesn’t build a long-term plan. In fact, it creates a reputation that the man will later find repulsive to women.
To become a better man in the dating world, there has to be a mindset change. The change shifts from short-term thrills to long-term goals of building and sharing. This article explores the 3 big mindsets to winning the long game in dating.
1: Replace Short-Term Gratification With Long-Term Happiness
Most men focus on the short-term gratification of speaking to new women and getting to know them. This, in most instances, robs them of the chance to know each person in-depth. Their attention is spread over many women and they may miss the potential red flags or the signs of genuineness and long-term happiness.
To help you better understand this, here is a comparison of what short and long-term mindset does to you.
Short-term mindset: This focuses more on the number of impressions you make on women. With this mindset, you’re more interested in the numbers, which translate to success. You are also likely to get stuck in your head and experience negative responses like anxiety and depression when your go-to formula fails.
Long-term mindset: You’re focused more on getting to know people and creating a healthy and happy relationship with them. You’re also interested in people you see a connection that can be grown over time, instead of making random selections. With this mindset, you focus on showing your authentic self and getting to know the other person as deeply as you can. You also learn to relax and enjoy the experience, company, and moments shared, instead of stressing about what they can offer.
2: Quick Fixes Don’t Last
Another big mindset problem in the dating world is the belief that quick fixes can deliver long-term and sustainable results.
Many men enter the dating world armed with several lines from books, videos, and other teachings. However, chances are high that someone else has been exposed to such resources before you, thus increasing the fail chance.
When the method doesn’t fail, you’re left with a personality that isn’t you, and this creates a performance loop where you have to take on another person’s life to fit in. Such developments can create a sense of self-loathing, especially as your real self feels neglected and unseen.
Here is a comparison of how the quick-fix mindset affects you and your dating success.
Quick fix mindset: With this mindset, you’re always on the hunt for the next “proven” icebreaker or approach to getting women’s attention. You may end up setting up dates with women with whom you have no shared interest or passion. In the end, you may feel your dating choices are wrong and that the women available are incompatible.
Growth and sustainability mindset: This mindset focuses more on identifying your weakness as a person and developing it. It shows your true self and helps attract people of similar interests or passions while eliminating unrealistic expectations. You no longer have to strictly follow guides and can be yourself without fear of messing things up.
3: Putting Self-Love Down For Immediate Approval From Women
The feeling of being seen, heard, wanted, and received by women is a powerful one. Many men have chosen this feeling over their self-love, thus hurting themselves deeply. It is always important to realize what you want and set boundaries within which you can achieve it.
Losing your self-esteem in pursuit of another’s attention can leave you broken and sad. It is important that you understand yourself and your boundaries. It is also important that you should be honest with yourself by evaluating your real chances based on signals and reciprocity. By self-evaluating and self-loving, you will reach a level of awareness that prevents you from engaging with users, thus easing the rollercoaster and helping you separate genuine women from fakes.
These mindset changes can overall impact your dating life and outlook. It can wholly change your experience and help you to build the right connection for long-term happiness and stability.